Don't Tween Me
by mollycoddle
Summary: Martha Wayne texts her son. AU
1. Chapter 1

I do not own the Justice League.

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**Don't Tween Me**

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"Got the last one."

Batman nodded briskly and purposefully didn't look at her. Wonder Woman rolled her eyes as she set down the (broken) robot and mentioned toward Superman. "So did you guys find out if Lex Luthor and the Joker are joining up?"

"They are," confirmed Superman. "Batman got the intel downloaded." He looked at the nearby clock tower and grimaced. "Damn. Tomorrow is the first day of school and I'm going to look like I spent the night crime fighting."

Batman sneered. "Still trying to join the football team?"

"Nah. Pa said I shouldn't be so obvious so I'm going to Yearbook and Journalism I. What about you, rich boy?"

He was ignored in favor of calling the Batmobile.

Wonder Woman said, "So what is school like? Mother mentioned I will be going to an all-girls academy. I don't think she likes my male friends."

"No," corrected Superman, as Batman tried to ignore all of them in favor of texting his mother, "she doesn't like Steve. I don't like Steve."

"He's rough around the edges but I know he's really sweet," argued Wonder Woman. "And he introduced me to John and J'onn—and you like them."

"Because they're better. And besides, Steve only hangs out with them because all three are going into the Army or Air Force or something."

"But then what about Shayera? I like her."

Batman sighed loudly. "If you guys are done gossiping and giving away your secret identities, we're going ho—OOOme."

He froze.

Wonder Woman's mouth dropped open and Superman blinked thrice.

"Did you just—"

"He did! He did!"

"Shut uUUUp," snapped Batman. Under the cowl, his cheeks were turning pink. "Voice cracking and scratching are natural."

"But not on THE BATMAN," grinned Wonder Woman. "Oh, I _have_ to talk to Mrs. Wayne and Alfred about this. Maybe they'll show me your baby pictures again."

Batman flipped her off. "Go back to reading your teen magazines, princess." He would have done more, but Diana Prince had taken after her mother in the body figure department and that meant actually _looking_ at her while she was wearing those clothes. (And getting punched in the face by her cousin Clark Kent, who had experience with punching boys who stared too long.)

He settled in for fuming as he climbed back in his Batmobile and ignoring the goodbyes his best friends sent before flying home.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Justice League.

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**Don't Tween Me**  
Sundaes, Nose

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Shayera Hol, daughter of Lieutenant General Hol, had a perfectly reasonable temper, thankyouverymuch. It wasn't _her_ fault the world in general was pretty stupid—and Shayera had a mental list of stupid things starting with "Republicans/Democrats."

A very _wise_ list she might add. On it, in bold mental ink, stood out "John Stewart." (The future-Marine present-moron.) The guy whose nose she broke.

Not that Shayera paid much attention to him or even saw him daily. It was more like they avoided each other, even in ROTC, but with the new girl who wouldn't leave Shayera alone despite the hints she dropped hanging out with John and dragging her along, they had seen more of each other than they wanted to.

Which is how all of the new gang ended up at the J&L Diner after school. Shoved into a circular booth with vinyl orange seats.

Damn.

(That was not the moment she broke Stewart's nose.)

J'onn, who Shayera actually liked, sat beside her with Wally on her right and Stewart across from her. The smell of burgers and salty fries made her stomach growl—which would have been perfectly acceptable if not for the fact that John _smirked_ at her. (Not the moment of nose breakage.) Her eyes narrowed and she tried kicking his leg. Beside him, Bruce winced.

"So I hear the milkshakes are so thick..." said Clark, pointing to the yellowing menu and describing the amazing food. Beside him, Diana poked the cherry in her soda with a straw and ignored Wally's flirting.

J'onn smiled serenely and ordered Oreos. No, not an Oreo 'shake, Oreos. Thank you.

Shayera beamed at him for confusing the waiter and ordered the Big D. Meal #4, no pickles. Wally got one of all the D.'s with three floats and ignored the waiter's look in favor for getting Diana's number.

Diana smiled. "Are you not younger? And yet you are attending their academically-difficult school?"

"Well," said Wally, "me being a year younger than everyone here doesn't mean much—especially with my brain being the best here, you know? I mean, even Brucie here—_ow_. Okay, yeah."

Shayera leaned across the table. "New girl. Talk to me. Your favorite movie, song, and how you got in this super exclusive club while in a different school."

Diana brightened. "I have not yet seen a movie, my favorite song is my Aunt Charis' 'Ode to Hera,' and Clark is my cousin."

Clark smiled a little stiffly. Wally laughed. "Don't lie. We all know Clark was adopted."

John nodded. "At least now we know how far to trust you."

Shayera really did kick his leg now and he glared.

"C'mon, new girl," she said.

"Oh," said Diana uncomfortably. "Um, Clark is actually a friend of mine. But you know."

No, no one did, but Bruce was glaring.

So.

The food came then and all was well—until seventeen o'clock rolled by and it was time to go home.

Things may or may not have gotten out of hand.

Wally, back from ordering another plate of fries, tripped and fell on Diana's lap, she spilled her soda on John, who elbowed Bruce, who elbowed Clark, who bumped J'onn's foot, who dropped an Oreo on the floor and reached for it by shaking the table and spilling everything everywhere, where a waitress slipped and dumped the sundaes all over Shayera's jeans.

(Still not the moment she broke Stewart's nose.)

It was when they were all outside arguing about buses and cars and riding with who when John said, "I wouldn't want Sundae anywhere near my car."

"Oh yeah?" snirked Shayera. (Snirked was totally a word. Bruce's younger brother said so.) "Why, is it the only thing daddy ever bought for you?"

He sneered and said, "Nice shirt."

"Wha—" Shayera froze, looking down at her moist, white tee. Where her undergarments were showing.

Very much so.

(That was the moment she broke John Stewart's nose by slamming her fist into it.)

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**AN**: I have to stop typing these things up without checking over them. Excuse the mistakes.

It got a little out of hand in the middle.

Seating arrangements: Diana, John, Bruce, Clark, Wally, Shayera, J'onn.

I know it's random and strange and not fitting at _all_, but.


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own the Justice League.

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**Don't Tween Me  
**Texts Between Mother and Son

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**Mother: **Invite your friends for dinner?

**Me: **No.

**Mother: **Invite your friends for dinner?

**Bruce: **No.

**Mother: **Invite your friends for dinner?

**Bruce: **Why?

**Mother: **Invite your friends for dinner?

(sent at 9:37 pm)

**Bruce: **No.

**Mother: **Invite your friends for dinner?

**Mother: **Invite your friends for dinner?

**Bruce:** I SAID NO!

**Mother: **...

**Bruce: **They appreciate the offer. We'll be home in ten minutes.

**Mother: **…

**Bruce:** I'm sorry.

**Mother:** We are having steak, potatoes, and tiramisu for dessert. I'll get the photo album.

(sent at 9:38 pm)

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**Wally West:** Ma'am, whatever you told Bruce was genius. His friends love you.

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**AN**: I can almost imagine Mrs. Wayne using text talk and driving Bruce insane.

Don't yell at mothers. It's not respectful. And stuff.


End file.
